Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Art of the Jailbreak Ride

Okay, que the violins. It seems like spring and decent riding weather will never arrive. A meteorologist friend of mine has affectionately dubbed this new season we're in "sprinter" which I don't feel I need to explain. Needless to say, my riding schedule has been far from consistent, or even planned.

It has gotten so bad that I have even started work on a new type of ride - the Jailbreak Ride. Here is the premise. It is 7:30pm and you and your spouse are trying to get the kids into bed when you think to yourself...self, if you play your cards right, you might just be able to sneak out for a ride. It will be tricky though, you have to get ready, ride and get back before dark, all without upsetting the powers that be at home. I was able to successfully execute a Jailbreak Ride this week.


Here are some of the keys to making it happen. Satire begins here.

  1. Clothing: Your kit does not matter. As long as you have clothes on, you're good.
  2. Hydration: I hope you were drinking water at work. You get one bottle, no mix-ins. A second bottle is 60 seconds you could be riding.
  3. Bike Prep: You can handle 45 minutes of a noisy chain. Top off your tires and go. Turn on your lights though.
  4. Strava: Of course, otherwise your ride doesn't count.
  5. Your Route: The best place to start is right outside your front door. Don't even consider putting the bike on the car.
  6. How to Ride: Like a man (or woman) possessed. Stop for traffic, but never to say hi to someone you know. Ask for their forgiveness later.
  7. In-Ride Photography: You are allowed one Instagram photo to brag and prove you are more happy and healthy than your friends.
  8. How to Act Upon Return: Sheepish. Shower quickly, don't talk about your new PR or KOM because nobody cares, and prepare to rub feet. Don't even think about a post-ride refuel (beer).
There you have it, a successful mid-week Jailbreak Ride. Use at your own caution. Parting thought - consider a preemptive foot rub earlier in the evening. 
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